Highway To Hell
by TheBooksofEli
Summary: After the perfect house party complete with classic rock and a boat-load of soda, Mordecai unexpectedly confronts with the girl of date's past - Margaret. Inevitably, the two spend the rest of the night together; but after she leaves, Mordecai unknowingly kept something very crucial of Margaret's. While in his urgency (and budget), Mordo and Rigs' only option is to peril the road.
1. Chapter 1 - Dismal Briefing

**Chapter 1 - Dismal Briefing**

The day began, everyone gathered outside on the steps for the usual briefing.

"Alright guys, thanks for coming. Now, we have a big agenda today so let's get started." Benson read the small font on the clipboard. "Pops and Skips - you two are in charge of setting up the jumbo speakers," motioned Benson monotonously, followed by mumbles from the back.

"Muscle Man and Fives are in charge of getting all the food and drinks for tonight. Remember, TONIGHT."

"WOO! Yeah!" screamed an over-eager Muscle Man an, of course, followed by a high five.

"You know who else like to get all the food and drinks? My-"

Benson stopped Muscle Man in his tracks. "Save it, Mitch, we all know it's your mom."

"Uh! I was gonna say my big bro...why does everyone think I'm going to say my mom? Jeez." Muscle Man turned and went back inside.

"Thomas..." Thomas looked up at Benson from a bored stare at the floorboards and awaited his task. "...lucky you! You get to clean up in and out of the house."

"Aw man.." Without another sound, Thomas headed down the steps to the tool shed.

"Everyone STAY busy," Benson called aloud, everyone had dispersed except for Mordecai and Rigby, who just sat preoccupied with some other side conversation between them and raucous laughter.

"That leaves you two. Mordecai and Rigby, can you guys handle one simple task?"

"I don't know, Benson, that depends on your definition of "simple" —** ugh!"** Mordecai attempted to shut him up with a gut punch.

"What was that, smart aleck?"

"You have to give Rigby a break here. He's still upset that Eileen bailed on him on his "date" last week," said Mordecai, sneaking in a light chuckle before...

"**SHUT UP!" ** Rigby shouted and swung a blow into his chest.

"Cut it out, you two, you didn't even let me finish! I want you two to blow...

**"Pfft! Hahah - ugh!"** blurted Rigby, again socked in the chest.

"Like I said, you'll, INFLATE, the party balloons. But, since we don't have any money left in the budget to SPARE because we used it all on the PARTY, you'll have to, INFLATE, them ALL by yourselves. Got it?"

"Oh come on, Benson, we've done worse before," interjected Mordecai. "Yeah, man," added Rigby.

"Very well, guys, both of you can join Thomas afterwards. Happy? Benson added with explicit sarcasm.

"UUUUUUH!" moaned the duo in regret.

"Well, you two have fun. Oh, and if I come around and see either of you screwing around or slacking off for ONE SECOND, **YOU'RE FIRED!**" And with that, Benson sped away on the golf cart with his single favorite, devious mutter on his lips: "Idiots!"


	2. Chapter 2 - Evidence and Antics

**Chapter 2 - Evidence and Antics**

"What the heck, Rigby?"

"Wha-don't blame me, you're the one who said it was too easy, smart-a!"

"You're the smart-a, smart-a, you were the one who doesn't understand simple!"

"You were the one who made us late to the meeting in the first place and that's probably why he doesn't trust us with a harder job!"

"Oh please, Rigby, you're the one always getting us in trouble!"

"Fine. You win. I give up, ok? I'm being the bigger man!"

"Save it, Rigby, there's nothing you could POSSIBLY be bigger in than me!"

"BET! Match you ring finger with your index finger!" Rigby commanded. They both did so, but ended with a victorious cackle from Rigby and (of course) a punch from Mordecai, remembering what this test meant.

"Whatever, dude, you can't prove anything."

"I just did!" gagged Rigby, struggling to hold in more laughter. But this time, Mordecai withdrew from punching his vengeance out and instead headed into the house's living room trailed behind by a now breathless Rigby.

"You can be such a 12-year-old sometimes. Come on, let's just get these balloons over with." Mordecai said as he kneeled to the ground.

"Nah, man! You can't work without a jam!"

"No dude, quit it! If Benson hears we've messed with his new stereo — "

"Duh-if Benson hears...come on man, you need to lighten up. What'll he hear? He's probably outside bossing Thomas around or something." Before a moment's hesitation, Rigby turned the FM dial to (you guessed it) K.I.L.I.T Radio (the station re-aired when the building was reconstructed, of course) in just the nick of time: "Just What I Needed" streamed beautifully through the living room with glorious clarity.

"There! Never sounded better."

"For once, you've actually said something fairly intelligent, Rigby."

And so, for what seemed like hours, Orr's voice has let itself sink into their ears as the duo sang the song line by line, allowing them to forget to pace themselves. In effect, and with a lack of air, they were slowly losing consciousness with only a fourth of the balloons completed. The last thing they geard was the static of the radio and a fading, monotonous "..._neede-" _from Rigby and a thud to the ground.


	3. Chapter 3 - The Predicaments

**Chapter 3 - The Predicaments**

**"WAKE UP!" **Benson yelled as he moved to the fireplace and tenaciously pulled the stereo plug out of its outlet.

"Huh?" mumbled the two in confused unison. Awaking to what sounded like the silencing of a godly Alanis Morissette playing on the radio.

**"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOUR'E SUPPOSED TO BE BLOWING UP ALL THE BALLOONS; BUT HERE YOU ARE, LYING ON THE COUCH LIKE HIBERNATING SQUIRRELS!"**

And then it hit them, somehow they woke up stretched out on the couch and the clock read 6:52 in the afternoon, 8 minutes until the party started.

**"YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES.**** THOMAS CAME IN AND HAD TO FINISH OFF ALL THE REST OF THE BALLOONS AND EVEN MORE SO BECAUSE YOU TWO NITWITS MADE THEM TOO SMALL." **Benson gestured to his left at Thomas who was still crouched on the floor finishing off the last of the balloons.

By now everyone in the house was either on the stairs or in the living room. Skips stepped out from the crowd and (obviously) skipped over to Mordecai and Rigby, placing his hands on their foreheads and watching their eyes dilate.

"They didn't sleep, Benson, they passed out."

"HOW?"

"We were blowing up the balloons like you said at first, but then we just-"

Skips finished his sentence, "...Passed out." Skips turned around and fixated on the stereo as if it were calling out to him, then slowly turned back to Mordecai and Rigby.

"You guys weren't, by any chance, listening to The Cars, were you?"

"Yeah, it was! How did you know?" Rigby replied.

"Because,.. I happened to me once." Skips spoke like he was dwelling on a memory long ago. "30 years ago. 1984, I was helping a kid blow up the balloons at his birthday party, unbeknownst to me, K.I.L.I.T. Radio was streaming The Cars all afternoon. When the guests arrived, there were no balloons. Instead, I dropped to the floor, out cold for hours. I haven't blown a single balloon since. Guys, you can't mix The Cars with balloons - it's just not natural."

"Where did you learn that?" Benson reluctantly replied.

"Guide to Talismans, Dreamcatchers, and Understanding Other Mythical Facts of the Universe - Chapter 17."

The room stared at him in awkward disbelief.

"It was a gift from the Guardians of Eternal Youth, ok?"

As soon as he said that, everyone sonorously confirmed their understanding.

"Okay?..." Benson began. "But we still have a problem here."

"Not anymore, boss, just finished." Suddenly, everybody's eyes fell on Thomas, planted on the ground with the look of complete innocence.

"Thank you, Thomas. You can get ready now. All of you, can get ready now."

"What about your stereo?"

"Never mind the stereo, Rigby, we don't need it tonight anyway."

"What, what can you POSSIBLY replace music gold with?" asked Mordecai, stunned beyond comprehension.

"Normal people's voices. That's right — karaoke."

"You've gotta be joking." Mordecai and Rigby replied in unison, realizing that this party has already gone south.

"I kid you not, fellas, that's what these speakers are for." Benson pointed to the two jumbo speaks hauled in by Pops and Skips."

"Oh, I've always had a thing for karaoke parties," said Pops ever-so joyfully.

This time everyone but Pops joined in one accord, "We've noticed," and filled the room with laughter.

"What are you losers standing around for," obviously addressing the usual suspects, "go get ready for tonight. It's gonna be a good one."

"It better be," said Skips.

"Oh, don't you worry, it will; trust me, nothing can possibly go wrong."

Thomas walked across the room and accidentally tripped over and unplugged the cables, sending the speaker toppling over onto the coffee table — (not-so-innocent now, Thomas). "Hehe...spoke too soon?"

Benson face-palmed himself and said remorsefully, "Just get upstairs."


	4. Chapter 4 - Release the Lions!

**Chapter 4 - "Release the Lions!"**

"Thomas, get the door! There's a herd outside!" Benson called out with rising anticipation. "Just a minute!.. Thomas, where the heck are you! THOMAS?"

"Give me a few, I have to finish this!"

"No, I need you At the front door NOW, Thomas!" Benson was rummaging through a cabinet trying to cover up some sort of black, velvet case with loose pages of newspaper. **"THOMAS! THE DOOR!"**

"Ugh! On my way!" As soon as the doorknob turned the slightest, the legions of people filed in with uncontrollable chatter, shouts and laughs immediately crowding the atmosphere. Muscle Man and High-Five Ghost headed the stampede with soda cans hoisted into the air, forecasting heavy rains of caffeine everywhere, exclusively on Thomas' t-shirt, most likely as karma for him holding back the masses. Even the Maellard couple, the unlikeliest of partiers, showed up, stopped in the door, and remarked "Change your shirt, sport, that's embarrassing." Suddenly, a long cool woman in a black dress (dressed to kill, may I add, presumably in her early 20's) fell behind the crowd and tripped on her own dress, but luckily Thomas' soiled, Cherry Coke - stained chest broke her fall, coincidentally, to someone who chose to sing Journey's 'Open Arms'. Thomas eagerly rose her to her feet, but something about the way she batted her eyes at him or the way she fixed her blonde hair after an embarrassing fall, maybe it was the immensely slow tempo of the song, made every move of hers seem like time was slowed down — every move of hers was magic. Thomas awoke from his entrancement before it became too creepy and made simple smalltalk with the lady, still clinging on to the thought in the back of his mind, "Maybe all this crap that happened to me today was worth it."

* * *

Meanwhile, Mordecai and Rigby were suiting up business casual.

"What did you expect, Mordecai? CJ couldn't make it to all them."

"No dude, she said she would be LATE, to the party."

"Whatever you say, man, she'll be "LATE"" Rigby said with an implication of her absence, reaching out for a tie from the mound of clothes on his trampoline bed, "How do you even know if she'll come?"

"I'm SURE she'll come, Rigby, she said so in a text just a few minutes ago."

"Well, that's reassuring! Mordecai, when girls say they'll be LATE, they really mean not a chance, loser! Face it she's just not that into you."

"You're such a put-down, Rigby! You CAN'T base an opinion off of something you don't even know!"

"What don't I know? I, have street smarts. I think all you know about women is that they can hardly be around you - don't test me!"

"That's funny considering you've never been in a relationship, crap-for-brains! Name ONE time where that logic applies."

"College Acceptance Letter!" 3 words. Just three words sent Mordecai into a flashback of the last time Mordecai ever saw Margaret, shielded by a flipped dining table from the onslaught of the Capicola Gang. Amidst the melee of gunfire, the bane of Mordecai's revealed itself to be Margaret's college acceptance letter — the college of her dreams, and opportunity of a lifetime and a lifetime of dread gifted to Margaret and Mordecai respectively. He remembered the agony, the sadness, the depression, the pain all afterwards, it took a milestone for him to truly get over Margaret, masked by his normal posture and attitude he puts on for everyone. There, he truly saw how much his love live has been shut away. And he remembered his second chance, CJ, at the New Year's Eve Dance, that also a swing-and-a-miss in love. Through covered behind masks, and their relationship strictly to remain friends, it could not hide the evident truth he knew but refused to believe - he was right. Rigby was right, again.


	5. Chapter 5 - Every Rose Has Its Thorns

**Chapter 5 - Every Rose Has Its Thorns**

Mordecai was all but pleasant at the mentioning of those 3 words: College Acceptance Letter. It filled him with anguish, but there was a party going on and why would anyone want to miss that? With this in mind, his conscience of the past was forgotten, he actually started to regain his composure.

"You're right dude, I accept that, now let's go have some fun."

"Right behind you!" said Rigby, remaining confidant as ever.

The commotion regained their interest as they descended the flight of stairs. By now a few songs have passed with nonesuch flair but horrible talent, nevertheless, the herds of people still rocked on, (some honorable mentions: ABBA's 'Dancing Queen', The Rolling Stones' 'Miss You', and REO Speedwagon's 'Take it On the Run'). As far as the clarity of people's voices, could be better. Mordecai and Rigby came down the stairs in mid-sentence of 'Pour Some Sugar on Me', and this time, Thomas and his new-found lady friend were singing a classic duet, 'Don't Go Breakin' My Heart' together (and yes, Thomas found some time to switch his stained t-shirt into a sleeveless, tattered Grateful Dead concept art t-shirt). The duo wasted no time to hit it up with a few ladies, some gathered at the pool table, having their own game of pool with empty soda cans, some were gathered around a foosball table; Rigby, in particular, was flirting with a ditzy ginger, sporting a plaid lumberjack-style shirt with a tank top underneath and thigh-length frayed — ended jeans, uneventfully revealed to have been a girlfriend of a bulky man who didn't hesitate to give Rigby a good, clean punch across the face. Rigby wanted to retaliate, but was surprised to find Eileen holding him back giving him the cliché-ish look of "don't even try", and a wave of laughs proceeded, giving Rigby all the more reason to avenge the blood oozing from his new bruise.

The dance floor was transitioning into a tidal wave of hair whipping back and forth into the air. A dashing man with a goatee and shoulder length brown hair was rocking the dance floor with Def Leppard's 'Pour Some Sugar on Me' - he actually had enough tenacity in his voice that sounded like Joe Elliot. By now Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost have already cleared through 2 cases of Dr. Pepper before a half hour into the party has gone by.

Thomas was the luckiest of all the park management, givng and receiving slips of paper back and forth with just about every lady's number. The same blonde lady from earlier tighly wrapped around his side on the couch, occasionally giving him a light peck on the cheek and shooing other lustful ladies away.

Benson didn't waste any time to speak with Audrey. They were both standing against the same cupboard Benson hurriedly shoved a velvet box in, without a moment's preparation, Benson whipped out the velvet box out of the cupboard and revealed a shiny diamond necklace, how could any woman resist such a dazzling necklace quite like this? Of course, she accpeted it.

Skips and Pops were both at the gambling table with 5 angry men, Pops had a full house in the palm of his hand, seizing everyone's tokens. (A game well played, Pops!)

And last but not least, Mordecai. He sat alone at the breakfast table which was already occupied with SOLO cups filled with root beer. A few ill-meaning frat boys were serving ping pong balls into the half-empty cups. He stared down at the table, head resting in his arms. Rigby waltzed in with his black eye covered up with a pair of red shutter shades on. Mordecai looked up, (matching some lady's voice with Heart's 'Crazy on You'), saw Rigby clasping his ears to the eerie tone that was quite out of place.

"Geez, can anybody here stand this?"

"I don't know," Mordecai shrugged.

"What's the matter?"

"Oh, you know..."

"Mordecai, lighten up, this is a PARTY, not one of your depression episodes."

"But she promised. It'a not like her to forget-"

"Forget? Come on! She can't be your Superman whenever you need her."

"SuperWOMAN."

"It's a figure of speech."

"I guess so."

"Come on, follow me! I want you to meet somebody..." Rigby called out to him as the followed each other out of the kitchen, but his voice slowly drained away when Mordecai finally saw her. Mordecai stood stiff, dazed and confused at the sight of someone he'd never see again, and old friend from lover's past -

**"MARGARET!"**

**"Mordecai? MORDECAI!"**

The world stopped spinning for this moment, time turned off, all that stirred were their 2 bodies slowly moving toward each other, Mordecai hopped over Thomas and his flirtatious stragglers and Margaret shimmied past person after person in the center of the living room. Time regained it's control and the world resumed. Now another dashing man stepped up and belted out with Bruno Mars' 'Just The Way You Are' - cite for the moment but totally struck down the lucky streak of classic rock. The concourses of people made a circle around the embracing "lovebirds", demanding satisfaction. **"KISS! KISS! KISS!"** over and over like a game of Duck-Duck-Goose. Rigby finally realized Mordecai never really was trailing behind him and instead joining in the limelight with someone he didn't recognize (at first). Forgetting what he wanted Mordecai for anyway, he turned back to the frat boys who migrated over to the house's office. John Mayer's 'Daughters' was continued on by the same man onstage which had slight connection at all with the party. (Again, cute, just imagine a slow dance). They managed to satisfy the crowd until Margaret remembered why she was here, leading Mordecai by the hand out of the crowd and out the front door. Rigby saw they were headed out of the house and tried running after them on all- fours and hitting the ajar door right in the face; (today just isn't going how he's expected!) luckily Eileen wasn't too far behind to come to the rescue.


	6. Chapter 6 - Love Long Lost

**Chapter ****6 - Love Long Lost**

"Mordecai, I wanted you to tell you before it's too late."

"What is it - wait! That's why you came here?"

"Here, come on in, it's cold out here." Margaret said as she climbed into the driver's seat.

"What is it?"

"Well, I haven't seen you again since last year at Steak Me Amadeus. And, I know, I know this is hard for you, and for me to say, but, starting at the end of this month..." Margaret held her tongue.

"What, what's happening?"

"It's...I..." Margaret's voice started to shake "...see for yourself!" She sobbed out.

Mordecai studied the new college transcript. It was an acceptance letter in the front that came straight from Georgetown University.

"It's not your fault," Mordecai reassured with complete control of his emotions, "you'll do great there. I mean, Georgetown. Wow! That's - that's like in-"

"Washington, DC," she replied with regained stability, finishing the second of Mordecai's incomplete sentences today.

For a minute, they sat there staring into each others eyes, both proud and sad at the evoking of a year's-past memory. Then Margaret began...

"Life wasn't the same last year. I remember, after running out of that restaurant, after remembering your old antics, you know, with Rigby as the spy and all, I missed all that."

"You DID?" asked Mordecai in shock.

"Yes, of course, all of it. Everything that's ever happened. Putting up with my boyfriends, the fake band, the camping, the butt dial, the bad kiss, T.G.I. Tuesday..."

"Don't forget the diaper!" Mordecai joked, with his classic laugh afterwards.

"Oh no! Can't for get that! Well, at least my dad never did," Margaret and Mordecai could easily laugh to that. "The meteor shower - "

"The barbecue, and..." Mordecai reached his limit, everything that personally connected to Margaret soon came to an end, all that was left was...

"Steak Me Amadeus," They both said together with regret in their voices.

"Margaret?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, this isn't the end. We'll still remember you."

"I know, don't be silly, Mordecai." Mordecai could see where this conversation was leading to just by the body language.

"Oh, well - yeah! Um... sorry, no. Of course we will, I meant-"

"Kiss me." They both leaned closer toward each other for a passionate kiss. Armed embraced, eyes closed, beaks interlocking with one another. This is what she missed most of all — as any girl would miss love long lost ago. Mordecai was leaning back and elbow-first, inching its way into the automatic engine start button and the radio power button; suddenly, Sixpence None The Richer's cover of 'There She Goes' started playing from second one.

"Oh, whoops, sorry. Do you want me to-"

"Leave it."

Mordecai's world realigned once again after being thrown off course for so long. The passion was restored, the doubt, the misery, all kept pent up inside was no more. This is what he's been missing. He's been missing out on love and missing Margaret's love — love in general, and it came down hard on our friend Mordecai. He felt romance making his way back into his heart and leaving his inhibitions behind. He let Leigh Nash's sweet, angelic chords into his mind. He couldn't shake the fact that even though he loved classic rock over any genre, he had to admit that this song pulled on his heartstrings; mixed with the love of his life resting on his shoulder, nothing could spoil the moment. Until he fell off the seat and the unthinkable happened...


	7. Chapter 7 - Body and Soul Casualties

**Chapter 7 - Soul and Body Casualties**

Minutes earlier, Rigby regained consciousness. He awoke at his bedside (or should I say, trampoline side) by Eileen who was wrapping gauze bandages around his head.

"That last one would've put you in a coma, Rigby. Just stay put here for the rest of the night, your black eye will probably heal tomorrow but you head will ache for a week - at most."

"Eileen? What happened to me? What happened to the PARTYING?"

"The party is more lively than ever, you just can't handle any more for one night. REST, it's for your own good." Eileen cajoled him, taking the liberty to fold and sort the pile of clothes on his trampoline.

"Get me out of here, Eileen, I'll be fine."

"You will most definitely NOT leave this room!"

"YOU CAN'T KEEP ME HERE! AAH!-" Rigby chanted and left forward toward the door, but his victorious leap was for not, being apprehended by a zip-tie on the trampoline which was pounced on at the notice of his struggle.

**"ARGH! EILEEN! GET THIS OFF ME!"**

"Rigby, you still think I don't know a thing about you? I knew you'd give it a try, so I made precautions. So go ahead run all you want." And that's just what Rigby tried, merely moving the trampoline a half-foot and gave up with sudden exhaustion.

"Strength and speed will get you nowhere, not as long as I'm here."

Rigby held on to that last sentence, both complimented and challenged at the same time. He thought to himself, "She really thinks that I'm strong and fast? What else does she think? FOCUS, RIGBY! You're tied to the trampoline held down by a 90-pound mole. It's simple, if you can't fight it out, always chew your way out - that's what I always say. She'll come after me for sure, I have to stop her for a second or two and I'll be downstairs! She probably won't stop there, so get outside the house, maybe I can hide in or behind a parked car. Nah, that's too obvious, she'll find me easy - Skips, that's right! I'll hide in his garage! Nah, its way too creepy in there. Argh! All this thinking is hurting my brain. Speaking of Skips, where is he when you need him? Ok, GO TIME!" And so the master plan unfurled. Rigby chewed away the small, plastic band, spat into and threw a dirty 'Mordecai and the Rigbys' shirt in Eileen's face as a distraction, and fled away from the scene of the crime.

**"(Eww!) RIGBY! NO!"**

Downstairs, the song came to a close. ZZ Top's 'Sharped Dress Man's' chorus just ended and commenced into the second verse. Rigby didn't get too far until he found himself tumbling down the stairs, unfortunately stealing no one's attention from dancing or having a hearty conversation. Eileen was still cleaning her lenses while descending step by step down the stairs, cleaning corner by corner of the wet mess. Rigby was giving himself a hug to ease the pain of his ribs, he staggered like an old woman out the door. Rigby came out and saw his old friend for the first time in forever.

"Is that?..No freakin' way!" Rigby interjected aloud. "THIS is my safe haven," Rigby thought to himself.

* * *

Their song came near its close, but they were not faint of spirit. Mordecai had made his move, a bold, drastic, daring move, but lucky for him, this was a score. All of the sudden, Mordecai was lying down on his side in the front seats, they were embraced in what was true love, no doubt, but he was headed for the ground and the transmission. That's when the unlikeliest of things happened, his hand slammed on the brake pedal and elbow nudged the transmission backward into 4-Drive. Then out of the blue, a great big BANG and THUD sounded outside the car.

"AAH!" They both screeched and forced the car into breaking.

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT, MORDECAI? MORDECAI?"

Mordecai was already outside the car and found the source of the bump and the horrid noise - it was Rigby.

**"RIGBY!"**

**"RIGBY!" **Margaret copied Mordecai a second later.

**"RIGBY! LOOK AT ME! RIGBY!" **Mordecai was yelling at him with ferocity, this time he actually did care if Rigby was alright or not. They noticed Rigby woke up after a short amount of shock.

"Rigby! Why the crap were you right in front of the car like that?"

Rigby began to ramble on, "Why the heck are you yellin' at me? I was running towards the car! I didn't think your precious love-making would bring it to life and nearly run me over like that!"

Margaret was soon filled with rage. **"You were WATCHING US!"**

**"Well, it was kind of hard to miss, Bail-ie!"**

**"Don't you DARE blame my bailing on Mordecai on me! I had to go where YOU liked it or not!"**

**"Yeah, dude! She had to go! Don't change the subject! Why were you in front of us!"**

**"That doesn't matter now!" **

Eileen finally showed up and laid hands on Rigby's head and chest. **"Hey! Get away from him!"**

"Eileen?" Margaret too rediscovering an old friend since their separate ways.

"Eileen, please. We were talking to him."

Eileen mustered up her authority, "I'LL DO THE TALKING HERE! Now, what's happened here?" An even larger crowd formed outside the house to see this all go down. Mordecai, seeing no way through Eileen, renounced his anger and focused on the incident at hand.

"Eileen, look, really. I'm fine."

"NO, RIGBY, YOU'RE FAR FROM IT! LOOK AT YOU, YOU'RE COVERED IN BRUISES OF EVERY COLOR IMAGINABLE!" Eileen in her fit of care returned to her happy place. "You know what? Rigby, come inside, I have to tell you something." Rigby obeyed, anything to get out of that ugly skirmish.

* * *

The crowd died away. Margaret stood alone by the left headlight of the car with the brights still blaring.

"Mordecai. What you said earlier..."

"Yeah?"

"I'll miss you too," said Margaret. She walked back up to him and gave him a slow, peaceful kiss on the lips as her way of saying goodbye; but Mordecai didn't seem to catch on as she started to back out of the driveway and out into the street.

"HEY WAIT! Will I see you?.."

"No, I don't know. I don't think so," Margaret lamented, "I don't know anymore. My life has changed, just more so now, because...now, now I'm leaving California for good." Mordecai didn't wish for this moment to die away again like it did last time.

"I know, it's..sad, beyond me, beyond my words, I-"

"CJ's a nice girl, she-"

Before anybody could react, CJ drove up to the house in an obvious hurry.

"Speak of the devil!" Mordecai tried to go for the pun.

"Mordecai! I'm sorry I'm...M-Margaret?" CJ stuttered in confusion.

"Hey CJ."

"Hey, where ya going? The party's still going on."

"I have to be in DC by the end of this month."

"You're braving the road?"

"What can I say? I'm a poor college girl."

"HAD those days," remarked CJ.

"CJ, nice you could make it." Mordecai said in complete sincerity.

"I have to go now, guys. I'm sorry I couldn't stay." finished Margaret, speeding down the street, staring back at the two waving towards her in the rear view mirror. Margaret drove down the dark road with bereavement written all over and tears leaving their salty stain profusely down her eyes.

"It's alright, Mordo. Sometimes the call of duty can't be refused." said CJ prophetically. Mordecai was slightly relieved at the fulfillment of her promise but still kept the pain in his heart of the second parting. They both walked up the stairs bumping into each other like children at play.

Little did they know, a lengthy folder was face down on the ground underneath a neighboring car parked in the driveway.


	8. Chapter 8 - The Chances Taken

**Chapter 8 - The Chances Taken**

Rigby clasped onto Eileen's shoulder from the front door and up the stairs until she crossed the hallway into his room, a cleared trampoline awaited him there. This time, he would give in to being nursed to health.

"How do you do it, Rigby?"

"How did IT do it?"

"It?"

"The car. I got hit by a parked car! How?"

"Anything could happen," Eileen reminded.

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Well, I did bring you in hete to have a talk."

"The point?"

"It's about...your injuries." Eileen changed her mind about what she really wanted to say.

"And?.."

"Oh, just like I said earlier, you probably will feel better after a week."

"Eileen I'm not stupid..."

"THAT'S debateable!" Eileen giggled.

"Ok, that was pretty good! But I know you're holding back. What is it?"

"Stop talking, Rigby, I just want you to rest is all. Can't you take a hint?"

Eileen did something she never thought she'd do. Something daring and crazy she just thought of now, mabye a "first step into a larger world." She bent down and gave him a peck on the cheek And swifltly walked out and around the corner down the stairs.

Rigby was captivated with all these new thoughts - just to think of anything set off butterflies fluttering in his stomach and blush in his face.

"Did that really happen? I could still be dreaming! I need to say something! What though? Where is she getting - up to bat? NO! It's just a peck, nothing more. Maybe it's that one peck girls give on special occasions. Well, she wouldn't do it for the party, he never has before. But I DID almost die today! Yeah! That's it! She was scared I almost died, and that MUST be saying something! Eh... I'll ask Skips tomorrow, he knows what to do. He always does."


	9. Chapter 9 - Sweet Dreams

**Chapter 9 - Sweet Dreams**

**"AGH! It's too hard to shut my eyeholes! **Er...I'm going downstairs!" Rigby conversed with himself.

The only way to get downstairs was the garage, and no one really uses the garage expect to park Pop's flying car and the golf cart, oh, and as a recent addition, to harness the band set (used in 'This Is My Jam').

Rigby took his time down the stairs and peeked past the wall to find Mordecai strumming somber chords on his Fender (signed by none other than Kurt Cobain). As he stepped further, Mordecai, motionless, paused and called out to a snooping Rigby.

"It's all right, dude, just come on down and meddle my life more, will you?" said Mordecai, passively strumming the tone to 'Under The Bridge' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

"Mordecai, I didn't-"

"That's enough, Rigby!" Mordecai suddenly snapped. "I'm not taking you crap anymore! I had it! I had this one chance, and you-"

**"SHUT UP!" **Rigby raised his voice at him with a slap across his face.** "Now YOU listen here! I...can see what you're up to no matter WHAT! Second, I was only was hiding from Eileen when I...because...because LOOK AT ME! I'm a wreck! And, I think we all can AGREE that YOU were the one that nearly ended my misery!"**

**"Only the misery you brought on yourself!"**

**"THAT'S NOT TRUE!"**

**"IS TOO!" **Mordecai gave Rigby a violent shove to the cool cement floor. Rigby got back up and took a more calm approach.

"You know what, you're right. I...I had no business with you and your love life. Are we good?"

"Yeah," Mordecai shrugged and resumed playing.

Rigby headed into the corner where he kept his own Fender (signed by Bruce Springsteen) and he started an ensemble with Mordecai, after plugging in the amplifier, he ran his fingers down the strings to the opening of Nirvana's 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'.

Mordecai began to sing out the first lines, shortly followed by Rigby, then joined together in harmony as the chorus began, up to now, their adrenaline shot down their veins faster than a Pinewood Derby on a declined track. To their surprise, CJ snuck in to the corner and began to slam the drums in sync with the vocalists, forming a glorious musical rhythm. The avid partiers started to drown the garage at just the sound of them. Everyone shook and let their hair fly up and down and around the room uncontrollably. Mordecai and Rigby's voices were streaming flawlessly and relentlessly till the end, bowing to the deafening encores, cheers and applause, they wanted more - and more they got.

* * *

The stampede was soothed to sleep, even Mordecai and Rigby had less trouble hitting the hay. Although, Mordecai seemed to be battling a subconscious disturbance.

Mordecai was dreaming. He saw people he didn't recognize, the Rigby, then Skips, then Benson, then everybody he knew in his life appeared before his eyes, they were all haunted with a decrepit green cataracts in their eyes and bodies shaded a sepia brown, and they had one motive - to seize Mordecai. Already, like a herd of zombies, they laid their hands on and around Mordecai who helplessly called out to no one; no one left to save him, just falling and falling deeper and deeper into their arms. All at once, the arms formed into a stone well and the bodies faded out of view like burning paper, and Mordecai fell aimlessly, free falling into nothing, until she stood over the well - Margaret! A sure sign of rescue from the fading black! She seemed completely natural at first and she was already close to lowering the rope to Mordecai until CJ, out of nowhere, bites into Margaret, and the ropes dropped out of her grasp, followed by Rigby and Thomas, then everyone else rummaged through the pile of dead imagination to feed off of her. When the rope finally touched down, it poofed a cloud of dust underneath it and became Margaret's college transcript. Mordecai picked it up, turned it around, and it reanimated into Margaret's bloody screech and soaked Mordecai in red paint, pouring all over him. Eventually, Mordecai had to swim to the surface of the paint to breath, but the paint only filled and filled, until it overflowed the well. Mordecai, unharmed and completely clean of all the paint on him, crawled out of the well and he was back at the park standing right in front of the park's fountain. In the distance, he saw Margaret again and assumed she was all better from her previous ambush, but no. She too was sepia brown and swung her head around and gave a toothy growl, charging Mordecai at full speed; Mordecai, on the other hand, was powerless and immovable as he ran in place, Margaret finally got ahold of him, pick him up and threw him down with brute,hidden strength and shouted dementedly, **"WHY WEREN'T YOU THERE FOR ME?"**, Mordecai could only stare into her dark green eyes as she picked him up again and gave him a roundhouse kick into the fountain, (which was actually tangible, solid rock), shattering into pieces. Mordecai and the fountain debris transported into a new dream dimension, opened through Margaret's kick, he was now up against the flipped table in the Steak Me Amadeus Restaurant, shielded by the impending shots fired by the Capicola Gang - then it happened, for the second time in his life, Mordecai was turned down by a college acceptance letter, "I'm sorry but, I CAN'T BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND," Margaret admitted through salty tears, and charged out of the restaurant. A ceasefire was called by the F.B.I., and Margaret charged through the field of battle. Mordecai re-felt it all, all the pain and heartache returned all in it's awful glory, but not this time! Mordecai sprinted after her out of the restaurant, then instantaneously, the doors shut on him and the room and everyone in it disappeared, all but the floor remained and reeled in to Mordecai. Mordecai tried desperately to open the doors, but the floor kept coming, and soon he lost his footing and fell again, literally falling through the space in his mind, skydiving into Margaret's car at full speed ahead. And then, like an atom bomb, caved in through the top of the car into the passenger's seat. Currently suffering a great deal of imagined pain, Mordecai was again confronted with Margaret in the car who was speaking to him as if the conversation has been going on forever, "Leave it," Margaret said, going in for the kiss to the song of Sixpence None the Riche's cover of 'There She Goes', all like Mordecai remembered, and didn't hesitate to go in for the kiss either. But before their lips met, Margaret gave him a hard punch in the face. Mordecai, flat on his side, was pulled up by his throat and Margaret roared with her old demonic voice, **"BRING IT BACK!" **Then, like X-ray vision, her college transcript revealed itself through the car door to Mordecai, which was underneath the car beside hers just as before, only, Mordecai garbled in response and was thrusted down to the seat again with Hulk strength.


	10. Chapter 10 - Hit the Road!

**Chapter 10 - "Hit The Road!"**

**"AAH!" **Mordecai and Rigby awoke in horror, surprised to find themselves in their bedroom, like today was any ordinary day.

Taking turns, Rigby said, "You first."

"It was one of THOSE dreams!" He and Rigby both knew what that meant - a nightmare about Margaret.

"Your turn."

"Ick...it was one of THOSE dreams!" Again, they both knew what it meant, - another sticky mess under the clothing pile. "Don't judge me! It happens to everyone!"

"Whatever, dude, I have to find something!" Mordecai sprung out of bed. And out into the hallway after rediscovering the significance of his awakening. Rigby stayed put and cleaned up the soil.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mordecai was skipping steps down the stairs and threw the door open, he didn't even bother to open up the screen door, he just rushed through it effortlessly. Out on the porch he could see it now - the small folder with Margaret's transcript information. He slid down the wooden handrail and landed flat-footed on the ground, picking up the packet with a look of panic in his eyes.

**"RIGBY! Rigby come see this!" **Mordecai charged in through the ajar door.

**"RIGBY?"**

**"One minute!" **True to his word, Rigby teetered down the stairs with an unbreakable stare at the folder. Suddenly, Mordecai picked Rigby up by the waist and demanded...

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?"

"What is this, Mordecai?" Benson all of the sudden called from the living room, the rest of the gang happened to follow him to the front door. Mordecai clenched the folder slightly firmer, for fear Benson would intervene, instead, Benson displayed the broken screen door.

"Whu- WHY...would you do this?"

"Benson, please." Mordecai tried to finish but was cut short.

"NO, NO! I want an explanation, mister, MONEY JUST DOESN"T GROW ON TREES!"

"THIS is the explanation!" Mordecai hung the folder in his hand like an FBI badge, drawing everyone's attention.

"What is THIS?" Benson asked.

"It's Margaret's college transcript!"

"She was here?" Muscle Man questioned in total astonishment, unaware of yesterday's dramatic entrance.

"Aw man! You STOLE IT from her! AWH, you're getting it for SURE!"

"Why'd you steal it from her?" Skips bought into Rigby's comment.

**"I DIDN'T!" **Mordecai freaked out.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but, I believe YOU were the ones sucking on her face in her car."

"That's not helping, Rigby," Thomas randomly butted in with lipstick kisses still branded on his face and neck/chest area.

"Well, thanks for solving the problem, Kiss-Face!" Muscle Man blurted.

"Yeah, next time you've got any remarks, save it for the next time some girl leaves her transcript behind!" Hi Five Ghost joined in on the rebuking.

"GUYS, WHAT"LL I DO?" Mordecai struck down the side conversation.

"WOAH, WOAH WOAH.** NO ONE **is leaving until Mordecai fixes the screen door!" Benson raised his voice to his bickering employees.

Inside, Rigby broke the crowd and swiped a pair of keys from an unsuspecting man flat on his stomach, then the loud sound of clinking car keys jingled in Rigby's hand and to the front door. Mordecai shot his head forward and saw him part the river of people, snatch the folder, unlock and head straight into the driver's seat of a tattered, rusty blue truck outside. Strangely, no one flinched at first until Rigby called out "**Mordecai! Get in! We'll do it ourselves!"**

**"Like hell I won't get in! Give it back Rigby!" **Mordecai started pacing to the car. Benson, on the other hand, wouldn't have it.

**"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" **Benson's face turned the darkest shade of red possible. **"GET BACK HERE, YOU TWO!" **Benson tried sprinting at them but was purposely held back by Muscle Man's arm who said, "There pretty much gone, Benson", and in response, got a savage push to the floor, Muscle Man gave his piggish squeal and grabbed Benson's leg, sending him tripping to the ground and slamming his jaw into the first wooden floor step, Benson vengefully brought himself up and swung at Muscle Man, who ducked, and accidentally hit Thomas square in between his eyes, TKO. THe others looked up at Benson and charged at him, and so, the battle of the front porch began, inciting everyone to fight each other.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mordecai and Rigby reached Freeway 10 in 5 minutes flat.

"Crap, I hope we didn't forget anything!" Rigby in a surprised yet smug grin.


	11. Chapter 11 - Hotel California, Pt 1

**Chapter 11 - Hotel California, Pt. 1**

"Nah! It's just DC, sure a lot of road to cover, but, at least we get off of work." Mordecai shruged it off.

"Ooh! I DIDN'T WANT TO FORGET,..I brought all our jams with us!" Rigby pulled a Target bag with their iPods in it on the middle seat.

"AW, SWEET! Wait...when did you have time to bag those?"

"Well, let's save it for the road, ol' pal!" Rigby laid back in his seat and shuffled the music, The Beatles 'Rocky Raccoon' first played on the speakers, and Rigby smiled ear to ear.

**"THIS IS MY JAM! Paul knows where it's AT!"**

"Whatever dude, it's still pretty awesome you remembered something for once."

"No sweat, man," Rigby reassured as he slid on his red shade-glasses and folded his arms for relaxing. "All we have to do is follow a road for a few days or so, that's not so hard. Benson should be THANKING us when we get back."

* * *

The time was now 7:23, the skies were already dark and hazy. Before they knew it, they were straying off into a dark desert, which woke them both up instantly, but they fell back into sleepy mode when CCR's 'Long As I Can See The Light' came on. Mordecai, seeing in the distance, a light in the middle of nowhere, nudged Rigby in the shoulder. Through dim eyes, Mordecai drove dead on to their destination ahead.

"Were stopping at that mission-looking place for tonight." Rigby speechlessly shook his head in agreement.

Mordecai parked in the farthest parking space (simply because the whole parking lot was packed) and the duo shuffled in like zombies to the front gates. A bell rang, and out into the light came a blonde lady. She almost looked like she was wearing a PAN AM suit and was rushing to catch her flight, only she stopped and gave a clean, white smile to them both.

"Please, come in," she said, holding her hands down to her waist.

With the two not close behind, she lit a candle and led them inside. Mordecai and Rigby first heard the beginning of Guns and Roses' 'Paradise City' as the walked past the doorstep. Inside, everything was dimly lit. To the left, they saw skinny, tan men smoking and putting out cigars in the middle of a pool game, who looked up at them with their evil eyes, and to the right, bigger men were eating and laughing as they savored a batch of Mexican food, complete with steaming brown rice and chips with guac, they also met eye to eye with them as they passed. As they followed down the hall with dim torches mounted on the walls, they found people here and there pass them by with "Welcome to the hotel!" and "It's such a great place!" on their lips - mabye everyone here meant well but just didn't look like it.

The hotel had architectural ties to it that did make it seem like an old mission, the arches, the hallways, the lighting... but they were only interested in food and rest.

"Come this way. I've found a room for both of you!" She stopped and turned around. "Now, would you both prefer separate rooms or be fine with together?"

They looked at each other, not sure how to interpret the question. Instead, Mordecai made a joke about it...

"Hah! Anything to get away from THAT stink!" Mordecai implied Rigby without having to point at him. The hotel attendant raised her eyebrows and pulled of a cute giggle.

"So YOU'RE the jokester!" She giggled of flirtatiously. "Here are your keys. Be careful with them - they can open every room in this building so don't lose them, you two." Rigby took his keys and jumped on his bed and fell back to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12 - Hotel California, Pt 2

**Chapter 12 - Hotel California, Pt. 2**

Mordecai switched on an old analogue radio at his nightstand. After tuning it for a while, he finally managed to hear a vague Bob Dylan sing 'Visions of Johanna'. He noticed that the hotel attendant hadn't left yet, instead, she leaned her left arm against the doorway - which was kind of odd to think about.

"Did you need something?"

"Oh, no," she teased with a hint of sarcasm. Mordecai was drawing a blank.

"So...you're a fan of Bob Dylan?" She asked as she sat herself on his bed.

"Well, I'm kind of into them all."

"Them ALL?" She asked discernably, already knowing what he meant. Now she was lying on her stomach, listening intently as she tried submitting herself to him With her goods.

"Yeah, Rock. Classic Rock, more specifically." Mordecai retreated his eyes from her and back on the window in front of him.

"Gotcha. Say, would you like to come join me tonight, there's a social upstairs on the terrace, everyone will be there."

"Thanks for the offer but I can't-"

"Rigby will be there, don't worry." She changed her approach. "Come on! It'll be FUN. You'll see." She got back up and took her hand off of the sheets, revealing a small slip of paper underneath it. She stood up quietly and waltzed out with her slim "Mercedes bends" and left without another sound.

* * *

Back at home, Thomas was raking the leaves in the front yard. Inside the house, there was a heated debate, headed by Benson (of course).

"Those idiots are out on the road with no direction!"

"I say we let them go!" Muscle Man interjected.

"Those guys won't go a day without getting lost!"

"Honestly, I think they doing the right thing." Hi Five surprised everybody.

"You have to trust them, Benson." Skips added.

_**"NO!** _**I don't want them parading around the country doing who knows what! Muscle Man, this is ENTIRELY your fault!"**

**"Well, ****what are you gonna do, Benson, there's no way we'll find them anywhere!"**

"Well I for one will not let them slip out of my fingers!"

"Benson, that's not wise. They could be anywhere by now."

"They could be dancing on a freaking terrace for all I care!"

* * *

And that's just what happened. A bunch of classy, colorfully clothed people gathered outside to dance. Mordecai arrived with Rigby out of fashion and were inevitably looked down upon by everyone else. But still, people of all walks of life were there dancing, talking, crying (which was very rare for a grandiose place like this), sweating, and drinking wine till their lower faces were stained a maroon red. The mission bell rang at 10:00, which also rang 2 hours earlier when they both checked in to the hotel, right on the dot.

"Mordo, I don't like this place. I don't know, it's all one-sided. This is either heaven or hell!" Rigby whispered.

"Chill out, Rigby, were guests. That one lady who gave us our keys invited us here...hey look, speak of the devil."

The hotel attendant arrived — this time sporting a brown, spotted leopard dress. "HEY, you've made it! By the way, my name is DD. Come meet some of these people."

Rigby chuckled to Mordecai. "Hehe! D-D! Like - double 'd' man!"

"Ugh! You're a basket case!" Mordecai walked away.

"I won't lie, I AM a basket case!" Rigby said to himself, turned around and headed down the dark hall.

* * *

Mordecai was finally getting in to this girl. And then...

"I would like to introduce you to my suitors. I didn't know how to decide, so, I made them wait in line. They're all pretty cool guys. Say hi everyone," She smiled off the awkwardness, then all the burly men implied their salutations with a raise of their martinis.

Down in the courtyard, the people on the terrace walked into a slow waltz. When Mordecai walked with DD, the burly men whispered stuff like:

"Listen to her."

"She's only trying to help."

"She knows all things! Take her advice before it's too late."

Mordecai hardly turned around to them, just walked off puzzled.

DD and Mordecai waltzed to a classical tune.

"So are there dances like this on special occasions?"

"There's one every night. I'm glad you've decided to come," DD said before she turned her head to a dark figure in the corner.

"So, tell me, Mordecai. What's you're friend Rigby like?"

"By the way, how did you know our names at first?"

"I'm a hotel attendant. It's my job to know my customer's names."

"I guess."

She glared again and this time intentionally moved out of the figure's view.

"Listen, Mordecai, you must understand-"

"What?"

"Hush! I'm telling you this once!" She leaned into his ear. "You're in danger here. Here, there's no escape for the far gone. You must leave now! We're all just prisoners here - of our own device."

"What are you talking-"

"Mordecai - I KNOW this! I know you."

"Prove-" She cut him short.

"You live in the park in Los Angeles. Your boss Benson - hates you and your friend's guts! All you want to do is bring your girlfriend Margaret's transcript back to her because it was too expensive to fly."

"How did you?..."

"I'm telling you. I know EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING...don't ask me a hard equation!" She made an ironic joke.

"But were only here to stay the night, we just got here! Why would we leave now!"

"Don't you get it. They've set a trap - and you've sprung it! We've been stuck here for centuries, never aging, never changing, just stuck here like sitting ducks. See the man in the corner?" She made him see the shaded figure in the corner.

"Yeah?"

"That's the mastermind - my boss. He's the one running the show here. Always watching us, always in guard. I'm only following standard protocol - he asked me to fill in for the last hotel attendant - we never saw her since. I tried getting attached to you because you HAD to be here, one way or another, or else I'd be gone too. But theres one problem...he doesn't know it yet, but I'm an all-seeing all-knowing oracle of truth. Now as I was saying...If you really wanted to leave here, I suggest you get your friend and go!"

"But why us? Why did you help us?"

"When I saw you - I knew. I know why your here, not a vacation, not a pit stop, you're her because your on a mission of love - which is more than these half-wits can say for themselves, (by the way, they aren't my boyfriends, they're in on this too). I'm helping you because YOU care for someone else, your friends, the ones you love. Some people just want to watch the world burn." She whispered in an even lower voice.

"Thank you."

"Find your friend. Right now, Rigby's headed to the master's chambers. He'll be no better off than you if you don't leave here at once! They'll try to suck him in but you'll get there first, take the stairs to the left and go down the hallway - you'll get out alive, for the most part, I have faith in you both."

"Wow! That's all?"

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt, but, Benson will try to hunt you down but don't let him reach the freeway."

"What about Margaret?"

"I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." She kisses his forehead and there ended her council. She said something Mordecai remembered his future self say to him after forming the Mordecai and the Rigbys. It was such a devastating was to end - cliffhangers.

* * *

Rigby, in the mean time, was tossing and turning with visions spiraling in his sub conscience. The troubling feeling he had about this place only haunted his dreams. While these thoughts danced in his mind, he woke up at the stroke of 12 just to the voices of those in the hotel welcoming him, "Welcome to the hotel! Welcome to the hotel! Welcome!" It was suspicious and eerie. He couldn't sleep off the creepy thoughts, so he got out of bed and went for a walk down the hallway.

* * *

Mordecai was near the exit, but just before he could leave, a well-meaning vacationer stopped him in the doorway, he looked like he came straight from a band of hippies.

"Hey, I saw you shreddin' it on the dance floor, we haven't had that kind of spirit here since 1969."

"Excuse me, I need to-"

"Go? Where to? You're in the heat of the night, man! Just stay for the party!"

"No, I really have to go."

"I know man, I'm friends with that smart lady you were groovin' with. It's all good, just tryin' to ween the hotel master away form you...hey, wait, where is he, he just disappeared, man, and your girl is gone too! Rad! Oh well, what was I saying? Oh yeah!..Go on, dude! You'll be late!"

"Thanks a lot, guy." Mordecai thanked as he started to sprint down the hallway.

"Hey my name IS Guy, man! Nice guess!"

* * *

Rigby finally came across a room filled with preppy, plump, suited men. They were all gathering for a feast in the hotel master's chambers, and lo and behold, the master poofed in like he was teleported — this caught Rigby's eye. There was a big black cabinet standing on four legs rattling about back and forward, it was chained like it was holding in a wild beast which, inevitably, what was on the menu.

"Ok, boys, lets DIG IN!" The master salivated at the mouth. A man bumbled over to the chain and let it drop to the floor with a loud 'thud'!

"That's the spirit, boys! Echoed the master's voice, vibrating off of the mirrors on the ceiling. Some men clinked their glasses of champagne they poured from the bowl of pink champagne on ice, others cheered, some were rubbing their stomachs and the rest rocked in their chairs with excitement. The man about to open the cabinet removed a concealed switchblade, flicked it open, and slowly unveiled the monster behind the cabinet door. Uneventfully, it was DD, who screamed in terror beneath her gagged mouth. The man, unprepared for the impending attack, was launched on by DD, and she ran on a bunch of other fat men, whom only toppled over like dominoes. Then before she was restrained, she squealed "Your'e keeping good, innocent people here, you prick!" She directed to the master before being gagged again.

"Oh, my apologies! But I'm afraid I'm not the only prick here with a plan, DD!" He whipped her face with the back of his hand.

"Do you know why that's your name, temptress? Because, you used to be a DISTRACTION, not a hero! You were hired for your looks, and I think you know why that is...its implied in the name we gave you...D.D. Just two little letters, but you couldn't even live up to that!" This time, he drove his steak knife into her liver, but no shriek of pain.

"You've forgotten one thing, genius, I don't die easy!" She yelled at the top of her lungs with a kick to the chest, apprehending him for now.

"No, darling, I think you have." And as the words came out, he peeked around the corner and threw the steak knife like a line drive straight towards Rigby.

* * *

Mordecai instantly called out to Rigby when he heard the master call out his last words, in a split-second, Mordecai tackled Rigby to the ground just dodging the steak knife wall-bound. The knife punctured the wall to their right. And they both looked up at it and its thrower.

**"WHAT! IMPOSSIBLE!" **He shrieked right before he was sent flying into the glass windows, knocking over the champagne on ice and sending a few mirrors crashing to the ground by his feet. DD was now starting to dominate the room with endless blows, all the while getting stabbed several times with their steely knives.

**"GO!"**

**"THOSE EAVESDROPPERS WILL PAY! AND SO WILL YOU!" **The master made his final ultimatum.


	13. Chapter 13 - Banditos

**Chapter 13 - Banditos**

**"Up on your feet , boys! I think it's time for round TWO!" **The master yelled out to his comrads, and they pulled out pistols on DD, who managed to maneuver her way out if the room without getting hit.

**"Come this way!" **She brought Mordecai and Rigby back on their feet and they turned left down the stairs like they planned. There on the stairs awaited an armada of thugs with even more pistols.

**"They're coming!" **The duo shouted at the plump men around the corner. Just when it seemed like the end, DD threw two smoke bombs: one down at the men on the stairs, and the other men from the master'a chambers.

**"DUCK!" **She pulled them to the ground with her just before an array of gunfire sounded above their heads.

"You might need these!" DD tossed two revolvers to the duo.

**"NO MERCY!" **

The three of them knocked over thug after thug with one-shots, occasionally dodging incoming shots.

**"Make to the door! I'll hold the master off!"**

"You haven't told me about Margaret yet!"

"Don't push it, Mordecai. Remember, I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise." DD said being suddenly vexed. She lunged into the cloud of smoke and was gone, her shadow didn't even linger but was lost behind the glow of gunshots.

"Rigby? You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Surfboard 'em?"

"You know it."

They mounted the side rails, socketed in their last rounds and open-fired in the crowd, those who weren't already on the ground were pounced on when the duo reached the bottom. They were headed for the door in constant motion, shooting here and there at surprise foes in front and behind. When the smoke cleared, another suited figure stood at the door with an RPG - the night man, stopping them in their place.

"Where are we going, fellas?"

"WHERE ELSE, RAMBO?" Rigby sarcastically remarked.

"Relax, guys," said the night man. "Our goal here, as a hotel, is to receive - it's in our programming! Sure, you can check in and check out anytime your little heart desires, but trust me when I this, boys: YOU CAN _NEVER _LEAVE!"

"LIAR! _AARG!_" Rigby leaped on the night man and bit into his shooting arm. Before anybody could react, the RPG was shot into the ceiling, conveniently over the thugs behind them. The night man was wailing and writhing on the floor in agony over his bleeding arm. Rigby wiped the blood off of his mouth.

"THE DOORS BOLTED SHUT!" He tried to pull on the chains.

Mordecai looked down and found another round for the RPG.

"You may want to back up!" Mordecai inserted and kneeled down to brace for impact. All at once, the huge door blew to pieces, scattering glass shards and splinters in every which way. They soon found themselves shielding themselves from the blast with their hands, unable to defect the impending projectiles.

For a few minutes, they both laid down flat in the floor, defeated and paralyzed at the moment underneath a large pile of debris.

"Get up, Mordecai." Rigby muttered, struggling to speak clearly and discard the ringing in his ears from the blast. When he looked up, he saw the entire roof collapsed on the 2-story hotel. All that remained was the hotel sign outside on the empty highway.

"Where is?- They're?"

"They're all gone. Forget it. She is too." Rigby lamented.

The sound of a speeding truck came loudly in the distance, before they knew, DD was in their truck riding over the rubble.

"Guys! Get in!"

They were astonished.

"We thought you died!" Rigby climbed out of the rubble with Mordecai.

"You heard it, sweetheart, I dont die easy!"

"How did you know I was there?"

"No time! Just get in! They'll find you!" DD climbed out of the driver's seat.

"It's a long story," Mordecai intervened.

"I've got time," Rigby climbed into the passenger seat.

"Hey Mordecai?"

"Yeah?"

"I've gotta be honest with you. You've saved everybody in this hotel. They're all free if they leave now."

"But that's not what you came to say."

"Right. About Margaret, she-" Before she said another word, a bullet was sent into her back.

**"NO!"**

**"Kill them all!" **The master commanded. Now the plump men wielded AK-47s, taking aim at the car.

"Get in now!" Rigby slammed the gas pedal. As the truck came towards a ducked Mordecai, Rigby reached out to him and demanded:

"Grab on!" So he did. Mordecai was hanging on to the side shooting madly at the enemies as the truck drew nearer.

"Huh?" the men were stick in their place upon impact. With a loud bump, the gang of big men were knocked over like bowling pins. The truck made it's way out to the highway, looking back only once to DD, (who was of course still alive and headed into the forrest for refuge), and once to see the hotel that once stood was indeed the HOTEL CALIFORNIA.


	14. Chapter 14 - The Great Escape

**Chapter 14 - The Great Escape**

The truck sped away from the collapsed building, the inferno glowed a devilish red from the side-view mirrors.

"YOU AWAKE?" Rigby spoke up wide-eyed.

"MORE THAN EVER! HERE, KEEP US AWAKE! KEEP US AWAKE!" Mordecai shoved the iPod at Rigby, still trying to adjust himself from climbing into the driver's seat window. Rigby, on the other hand, was busy at the fingertips that were flipping frantically through the playlists.

"Awake. Awake. Awake...here, GOT IT!" He tapped the song and Led Zeppelin's ''Rock and Roll' was blasting through the speakers.

Along the truck, an unusual sound came from the back of the truck. Mordecai peered into the side-view mirror again only to see the impossible - the master had stowed away on their ride! Upon being noticed, he withdrew his pistol and aimed it at Mordecai - a shoot and a miss, then one through the back window and into the glass in front. Mordecai veered the speedy truck into the opposites lane, but he knew what he had to do.

"RIGBY! TAKE THE WHEEL!"

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

"I'M DISTRACTING!"Mordecai whipped his own gun at the master.

"ON MY MARK!.."

"DON"T WAIT FOR ME, GO!"

Mordecai obeyed and leapt into the trunk for a melee. Mordecai successfully disarmed the master of his pistol with one shot at the firearm. The surprise attack was incredible, his legs weren't even struggling a bit against the turbulent driving. The master avenged his lost weapon by pinning down Mordecai against the glass window in the back. His leg swiftly moved up to Mordecai's throat, stealing his air supply. He struggled to breathe against the pressure of nearly 200 pounds on his neck, and the master only plunged deeper in. Luckily, Rigby had an eye out for his friend and managed to nail the master in the shoulder with a silver bullet.

**"GAAH!" **Followed the bullet wound, then a fierce upper cut in the jaw from Mordecai, sending the master on his knees. Mordecai, with the upper hand, decided to have some fun. He unhitched the tailgate and kicked the master on his side.

**"Please!" **He gasped, but deceived Mordecai with a false sense of defeat, leg sweeping Mordecai off of his feet. Mordecai was scratched and bleeding on the side of his face after that, once he saw this, the master knew his vengeance has ceased and he was truly apprehended. Mordecai shoved the master back to the ground with his head hanging off of the tailgate - matching up with Ian Stewart's insane piano solo blaring on the speakers.

"You thought you could walk into my hotel, steal all my customers, then bury them under a pile of rubble without a fight, macho? We'll, seeing I can't defeat you, I'll leave you in peace with this:" He spit blood out of the corner of his mouth and intensified his voice. "**THANKS FOR VISITING HOTEL CALIFORNIA! SAYONARA, SUCKERS!" **were his last words before he dropped past Mordecai's hands onto the highway and barrel-rolled on the pavement into an unexpected incoming 18-wheeler.

**"NO!"**

**"Shiz, Mordo! Get in!" **Rigby jerked the car back into the opposite lane as the 18-wheeler passed by.

Mordecai climbed into the passenger seat this time and tossed the gun on the floor.

**"NO MORE! (...no more) NEVER AGAIN!"** Mordecai mumbled. As the wind sped furiously past the car, the Beastie Boys' 'Sabotage' now played on queue. "Hold on to the wheel for today, okay man?

"You got it, pal!" Rigby didn't hesitate to answer that one. Mordecai leaned against the cold glass and got his long awaited shut-eye.


	15. Chapter 15 - Runaways

**Chapter 15 - Runaways**

"Dude, don't sleep now! You've gotta see this!"

"Wha-?"

A huge road block was approaching, filed in colorful lines.

"What happened?" Mordecai rolled the window down and scanned ahead and saw someone he didn't expect."

"Crap."

"What, what is it?"

"It's Benson." Mordecai gulped in anxiety. "He's stopping all the cars."

"WHAT? How would he know to find us here?"

"He didn't have to. Ok, ok, I KNOW this sounds bad, but, we kind of went back-wards...yeah." Mordecai said in regretful realization. "We're in Santa Monica."

"Oh, HECK NO! What were you!" Rigby slammed on the horn in fury, alerting an unsuspecting Benson.

"Shh! Aw, man, why'd you DO that? Now Benson's getting suspicious!"

"Screw that! If we don't get to DC in a week we're up a creek!"

"The only thing up a creek are our JOBS!"

"Dude, we probably lost those a WHILE ago!"

"Ok, I have a plan. We'll get into the opposite lane of traffic, then, if we're lucky, flank Benson and continue on the road." Mordecai was fascinated with his own idea as he rolled the manual window up.

"Um... I hate to chew your plan out, but, they're coming for us now!" Rigby said, casually worried. After he finished the sentence, a tug came from the back trunk. Unbeknownst to them both, Skips was pulling back on the trunk and trying to get on. They were completely frightened from the intense load in the back.

**"WHAT IS THAT?"**

**"REVERSE THE TRUCK! REVERSE THE TRUCK!" **Mordecai's voice eerily rose. Instead, Mordecai shifted the gear for him. The car zoomed back uncontrollably and the wheels rode over the unknown fear.

**"Remember the plan!" **Mordecai said in the same shaky voice.

Before Rigby put the vehicle in drive, a tranquilizer dart, shot by the expert marksman Hi Five Ghost, came dead on into his neck and he was out cold on the horn - blaring unceasingly. Mordecai was quick to react and took the wheel out into the opposite lane of traffic. Meanwhile, darts flew here and there into the passenger's window as Mordecai made the turn. Surprisingly, the firing ceased and Hi Five Ghost ran behind the car to tend to Skips - Mordecai was red with guilt.

**"I hit Skips!"**

Instead of darts, shots were now fired from a sawed-off shotgun in Benson's hands. Aiming to blow out the tires, he unsuccessfully missed each time. The plan underwent unpleasantly after Mordecai passed up Benson. The car slammed into the sides of the railing, sparks flew, and the truck nearly flipped. Mordecai pressed down on the gas at full speed and the truck sped down the road, making impressive black skid marks. The jolt of the ride broke Rigby's trance.

"How long has it been?"

"Two minutes."

"I guess they weren't as potent." Rigby dislodged the dart from his neck and threw it out the widow, glass scattered all across the two lanes of freedom - or so they thought. In the close distance, red and blue lights shone across the pine trees and the night sky.

"Switch spots, Mordecai! The fuzz is onto us!"

"Alright! We have to shake them."

"Look! On the left! A vintage truck tailgating expo!"

"What the heck? Why is this even here?"

"Just find a place to hide in there!" Rigby turned the wheel vigorously to the left.

"Don't hit that trucker!" Rigby skidded the wheels around the man who just blindly stiof still like a deer in the headlights.

**"Park right there**!" The truck slid across the cement with friction and managed to make it into their desired spot. They hopped out and dove under the truck as quietly as possible. Their neighboring tailgaters were completely confused.

"Hey there, um, you both ok?"

"Zip it!" Rigby snapped. The oncoming cop cars came to a slow, easy stop and started flash- lighting everywhere , belt of weapons making a haunting clink with every step.

"What I 'd give to have The Power right now." Mordecai spoke quietly.

"Ah no, man, that's long gone."

"What?"

Rigby moved his thumb up to indicate his feet. "It's busted."

The cops started turning the tailgates all around inside and out - under tables, lounge chairs, in the tailgates (they actually found a passionate couple under the cover of a tailgate), and under the trucks.

"What we really need is that time machine. We could have fixed this before it ever started!" Rigby spoke a bit too loudly.

"Hear that?" A cop spoke to another, pacing towards the truck, keys clanking wig every step.

"Come on, boys. Let's collect that reward and get this search over wi- _**hey!**" _Before the cop had time to check the bottom of the truck, bullets zipped around his legs. The sirens of the police car switched on, mixing with the Beastie Boys 'Sabotage' bleeding out the speakers. Muscle Man was calling out the window down.

"Beat it, blowhards! WOO-OOH!"

That was their signak to flee. They shuffled out from underneath and leaped up into the seats. Fortunately, they made it to the road unnoticed while Muscle Man continued to distract the police by driving around the tailgating party. Rigby was fiddling with the playlist in the driver's seat.

"Music, man? Really? The cops are coming!"

"What? This song's perfect for now." Indeed, the screen read Bon Jovi's 'Runaway'.

"You don't even know where you're going!"

"Duh, we're headed to Sin City. We'll shake them there."


	16. Chapter 16 - Viva Las Vegas

**Chapter 16 - Viva Las Vegas**

"Elvis...golden voice - GOLDEN!" Right now Rigby shuffled all of Elvis Prestley' songs, skipped through and then found the best song for Vegas.

"Listen..._Viva Las Vegas!" _Rigby sang along.

"Let's find a place to get rid of them first."

"NO WAY ARE YOU GETTING US A PLACE TO STAY."

"Don't worry. We're not staying here for long. We just have to get in, hide, come out, and hit the road to- OH LOOK! A BUNGEE JUMPER!"

Mordecai and Rigby looked up at the distant skyscraper on the right of them.

"Oh...wait...nevermind. He wasn't attached to a rope." Mordecai's voice dropped.

"Sucks man."

"Oh...nevermind. He was a stunt double. They're filming a movie."

"Ok. Look at this place." Rigby pulled into the entrance of...

"Caesar's Palace - isn't this a casino?"

"I don't know. Never stopped in Vegas before."

"Well let's hit it!" Mordecai smiled.

* * *

_**Meanwhile...**_

* * *

**"Eyes on me, buddy, eyes on me." **The emergency doctor shined a little flashlight into Skips bloodshot _eyes._

**"I want you to stay with me here. Keep breathing." **Skips was laid out on a stretcher, approaching the white doors of the ambulance.

"Skips. Hang in there. Don't do this to me!" Benson walked beside him.

"I'll be fine, I've lived for centuries, I can survive a little weight on me."

**"They reversed and drove out on you! That was probably one pound too many! And YOU, Muscle Man, will turn your keys over as soon as we get to the house!"**

**"WHAT? WHAT DID _I_ DO?" **Muscle Man brought his cuffed hands to his chest.

**"YOU LET THEM GET AWAY! THIS COULD HAVE ALL BEEN PREVENTED IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU!"**

"Ok! Just get these cops off my case!" The sheriff and a backup officer paced behind him.

"Cops, let him go. I've got something worse than jail coming for him."

The sheriff pulled his walkie-talkie on his right shoulder to his mouth. "Sheryl, cancel that investigation - oh... and that background check of Mitch Sorrenstein. Also, shred the warrant for his arrest, call the judge and discontinue the hearing, fire the new good cop/bad cop, nullify the court summons, and... warm me a sprinkled donut. Oh...and pour me a cup of decaf. Make that a non-fat latte. Thanks."

Benson stepped into the ambulance with Skips.

"You don't have to tag along. Take care of the house. Do your job."

"But I am doing my job."

The doors shut and the emergency vehicle pulled off the grass.

"Now what?" Hi Five Ghost asked in a bitter frown.

"Uh... I STILL don't know what's happening here. I've been out cold for the past 12 hours. Where's Mordecai and Rigby?"

* * *

Mordecai was in the middle of a gamble.

"Call."

The other grungy men with cigars got wide-eyed over Mordecai's risky pile of tokens.

"Aw ye-ah!"

* * *

Rigby, on the other hand, was pressing away against a poor and deaf blind man in a nasty game of pinball.

"You sure play a mean pinball, Stevie Wonder, but I believe I've got a little surprise for you."

"That's a new one - Stevie Wonder. But that's where you're wrong. Surely, you can't be serious." The blind, chubby man spat back.

"I AM serious! And don't call me SHIRLEY!"

Rigby bunted the ball into a multiplier and watched it drop into the dead zone. The buzzer went off and played The Who's 'Pinball Wizard'.

"Aw ye-ah! Suck on those pinballs, Stevie! World High Score!"

"I would hold your tongue, Shirley. It appears...I have one last pinball. And if you haven't noticed yet...we're 5 points away, and I'm about to pull this."

The blind man pulled back, then gave a gargled shout, **"REMEMBER YOUR BET, RINGTAIL!"**

* * *

The main dude at the slicked back his greasy hair with a pudgy, ashy hand, then pulled out his cigar and spoke plainly, "Remember your bet, tight-feathers," then he ruffled the collar of his pink polo, all of the sudden, everyone finished over their cards, the pink polo revealed a pair of the king of hearts. Mordecai turned his cards over and found old maid cards.


	17. Chapter 17 - An Offer They Can't Refuse

**Chapter 17 - An Offer They Can't Refuse**

"What? Old Maid? This is a sham. What are you trying to pull?"

The man in the pink polo dabbed his cigar on the table and slowly pulled a revolver out from under the table. He stood up unannounced.

"Listen, kid, this is Sin City! You're a blind fool coming in here thinking you own this casino! You can't even own a decent game!" He held his hands open and walked around.

"You're a cheat."

"By jee-" He looked around to his cohorts, "EGADS, jabber walkie," The guy applauded Mordecai with gun in hand. "WAKE UP AND SMELL THE SMOKE! The proof's in the puddin'. It don't take a dope like this idiot to solve that!" He pressed the silver barrel against another guy's cheek at the table.

"You're a real cheat!"

"Hello, McFly! I'm the BRAINS of this operation! Even if I lose, which never happens, my boys here will split the earnings even - I ALWAYS WIN! I OWN this city, I own this casino, and now I own your ass! Pay-'er up!"

"I don't play with cheats 'cause who else could have slipped me these?"

"You still don't get it, do ya? What're ya 9? This isn't another Yankee game, little league, now pay-'er up! Every dime,** NOW!"** The man now pointed the revolver square in between Mordecai's eyes.

"Why should I trust you? You're probably not even from Brooklyn and yet you put on that phony accent."

"Listen, square, you've got just about half the casino's attention with that tone o' yours; CLEARLY, you've made this a public conversation. But hey? What's a nice tea party without a few guests?" He tapped the walls with his gun next to him.

**"Bring the sucker in!"**

Currently, the deaf, chubby man brought in Rigby with his hands tied behind him with a zip tie.

"Cut him."

And the blind man cut his bands loose with a concealed switchblade and sat him down.

"Blue, ya got me! Now put your tight feathers behind that tight ass and sit down." He did so, the man squinted at them sternly. "I've gotta hand it to ya boys, you're GOOD. You brought down one of MY hotels in one shot. Bravo," He peacefully opened his hands for dramatic effect. "I outta fire every last one of them there for not killing you two sooner - if they weren't already dead." He laughed with the other men in unison, then unexpectedly slammed the table with his fists. "But when you boys kill my best friend, THAT'S when you get my attention." He hovered in their faces across the table. "That don' matter anymore, they all had it coming for them - I knew it from the moment you stepped in to my game, Mordecai." His eyes targeted Mordecai.

"How did you know my-"

"Guess...go on, guess! Who got close to you? Who trusted you there? How 'bouts a hint. She helped you two escape. Now THAT...was all part of the plan."

"What plan?" Rigby spoke.

"The plan? Why,..the plan that brought you HERE! The plan to sit you down here and have us a chat. The plan that is...and will be." Said the man in the polo walking about aimlessly.

**"I know why you're here...NO, NOT TO BE A MAN, NOT TO SIT AND PLAY WITH A COUPLE-A MOBSTAS! YOU'RE RUNNIN' FROM THE LAW AND YOU'RE RUNNIN' FROM THE TRUTH!"**

"Look, we've got nothing to hide. And what truth are you talking about?"

**"THE TRUTH THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASSES HANDED TO YA BY BENSON IF YOU DON'T COME BACK, THE TRUTH THAT YOU POSSIBLY KILLED YOUR FRIEND, THE TRUTH THAT YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR ASSES HANDED TO YA RIGHT NOW!" **The man in the pink polo calmed down and sat back down, hanging his head in his left hand. "Listen. It's no coincidence y'all were both caught by my guys. Remember that little hotel lady of yours?"

"She has a name, you know." Mordecai interjected.

"Oh, my apologies city-slicker, it's DD. Take a guess why she's named that?"

**_"HA! I told you!"_** Rigby stood up on the chair and taunted Mordecai.

**"SIT DOWN, RIGBY!" **The man pointed the handgun at Rigby.

"OK, OK...fine!"

"As I was saying...she filled me in on you two - and THAT"S why I've brought you here. I have a proposition: I, Caesar Chesterfield, will call off both the bets."

"That fast? You changed your mind that fast? What are you up to?" Mordecai rested his elbows at the table, arms crossed.

"What is it, taboo? Am I playing mind games?" Caesar tapped the gun against his right temple while the others remained silent. He stood up and took a calmer approach, resting his hands on Mordecai and Rigby's shoulders.

"Do I gotta take back those high school diplomas?"

"Tough luck, bub. Never got one." Rigby grunted.

_**"Oh...well, lookie here. We've got a punk-ass in our midst, boys!"**_ Then he looked at Mordecai and made a smart comment.

_**"...and a sap!"**_ Caesar finally cracked a loud laugh and exposed his grayish-yellow teeth. He moseyed on over to Rigby and whispered in his ear.

"Between you and me - we were once at the same point: dropouts, nobodies, idle, lazy, but believe you me - you'll have a promising future in me. All you have to do is ask."

"Forget it, we just wanted cover from the cops." Rigby shooed his hands away.

"Fair enough...there goes your chance." Caesar stared down menacingly at him, then smiled away the menace. Out of the blue, a waitress brought two shots of Dos Equis to them both.

"No disrespect, boys...my treat."

Mordecai and Rigby hesitantly looked at each other.

"Relax. Take the shot. Let bygones be bygones." Mordecai recovered from the previous joke about him and sucked it up.

"What's the catch?"

"Oh, no catch." The man's face jiggled as he shakes his head 'no', then squeamishly brushed his hair back again.

"Just a helluva good aftertaste!" The table laughed in a ravishing chorus.

"Oh, but there is ONE catch...you take the shots and you walk; if you don't take the shots - _well, _that depends."

"On what," Mordecai and Rigby said as one.

"If you don't mind a blasted cap in your head."

Mordecai and Rigby pulled the tiny glass cups closer to them, they were afraid, but didn't let it show. Their heads got sweaty - this was it, their first shot. Before a moment's hesitation, Rigby grabbed Mordecai's shot and flung the liquor straight into Caesar's eyes.

**_"GRRRAAAH!"_ **

Without thinking, Mordecai kicked the table into the astonished men, sending them all on their feet.

**"Get to the penthouse!" **Mordecai led the way and Rigby ran on all fours alongside him.

**"KEARNEY, BERNIE, WHAT'ER YA WAITIN' FOR - SHOOT THEM! GO AFTER THEM!" **The two men pushed the heavy table off of them and raced after the duo. The deaf, blind man helped Caesar up on his feet.

"Ernie, stand by me, and load 'em up. **WE'RE GOING HUNTIN'!"**

Ernie grabbed Caesar's shoulder and they both staggered to the elevator.

"Bring the gouger, Ern, we're taking back what's rightfully ours. Hell, I can't see a dang thing!"

"Join the club," said Ernie.


	18. Chapter 18 - Rescue and Release

**Chapter 18 - Rescue and Release**

Mordecai and Rigby ran up step by step.

"WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT?" Mordecai brushed off the sweat on his forehead.

"I DON'T TRUST HIM, EVEN IF HE DOES CALL OFF THE BETS, WHAT'S NEXT? HE WAS LOOKING FOR TROUBLE AND HE GOT IT!"

A bullet hit the metal banister right next to Mordecai - close call.

**"THEY'RE SHOOTING AT US!" **

**"YEAH, NO SHIZ, TIGHT-FEATHERS!"**

"DUDE, WHY DOES EVERYBODY KEEP SAYING THAT?"

"IT'S HUMOROUS IRONY, MAN. YOU'RE A BLUE JAY THAT CAN'T FLY!"

"YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE A RACCOON THAT ISN'T NOCTURNAL!" Mordecai pridefully snapped back.

"ARE YOU KIDDING? ALL I _DO_ IS SLEEP DURING THE DAY THANKS TO BENSON'S CHORES!"

More bullets rained from below, Bernie caught up and nearly shot Rigby's ear off, but merely scraped it.

**"WHAT THE- OH NO! THEY'RE CATCHING UP!"**

**"THERE'S THE PENTHOUSE!" **

**"WE'LL HAVE TO BUST THROUGH THE GLASS!"**

**"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"**

**"THERE'S NO TIME! BRACE FOR IMPACT!"**

And just like that, Mordecai and Rigby busted through the glass like a knife through warm butter, bits and pieces fell backward and stunned their opponents from behind. Looking forward, they noticed the terrace had no barrier and they stopped themselves from falling to certain death. Just behind them, Caesar caught up with Ernie in the elevator. Caesar took it from there.

"Hold off boys, I want a word with the perps." Caesar brushed his greasy hair hack with his wrist and regained focus with the escapees.

"So, look who tried to run!" Caesar licked his lips and wiped the blood off of his eyelids. "**NO ONE breaks into my penthouse and gets away with it - OR LIVE to tell the tale! Now that we've got you here, we can continue business." **He looked at the culprit who blinded him.

"First, I'm gonna make a nice, fur hat out of you." Then turned to his accomplice.

"Then I'm gonna pluck all your pretty little feathers and weave them into dreamcatchers ALL OVER this** GOD-FORSAKEN globe!"** Caesar flailed his arms to indicate the open world around them.

"Eh, what the hell, maybe I'll save a feather for my new fur hat. That way you'll still be together. After that, we're gonna take those bright eyes and I'll share them with who REALLY deserve them, Me and Ern!" Caesar approached them with the gouging tool in his hand and the revolver in the other. Suddenly, the voice of Muscle Man broke the tension,

**"THE ONLY THING YOU'RE SHARING IS THE SAME CELL. NOW DROP IT, BRO!"**

Caesar felt the double barrel of a Sawed-Off Shotgun against his back, he slowly turned his head and found Thomas and Hi Five Ghost apprehending Ernie, Bernie and Kearny.

**"DON'T MAKE ME ASK TWICE."**

"You call this a stickup, Mitch?"

"I call this a rescue!" Muscle Man tied back Caesar's hands with a zip tie. "Tie them both - hands and legs!" shouted Muscle Man to the others.

"Muscle Man. How did you find us?" Mordecai stood still in amazement.

"My brother was in the 18-wheeler that took out that other guy. He filled us in as best he could from looking at the guy just after they pulled Skips onto the stretcher."

"Was it that bad?" Rigby felt embarrassed.

"He'll live. I just hope that poison dart didn't do a one-down on you, bro."

Mordecai scratched his head and looked down at the drop. "It's fine. Thanks for helping us along the way."

"I'd do the same for Starla. I get it," said Muscle Man as the three of them escorted the four mobsters downstairs.

Caesar looked up from the glass-covered floor and gave one last oath.

"This isn't the end, Mordecai and Rigby, I've got powerful friends and we won't hesitate to put you through the pain me and my friend Ferny felt, yoa know, the guy you let fall under the wheels of Mitch's brother," He said as he looked up at Mitch.

Mordecai clenched his fists and yelled back, **"It wasn't my fault!" **

All of the sudden, Caesar reached back and disarmed Muscle Man, then flung him into the wall. Bernie and Kearny apprehended Thomas and Hi Five Ghost, Ernie collected their Micros, and Caesar cocked the gun into place.

"Classic hit-and-run!" Caesar spoke to his goons behind him.

Muscle Man fled back into consciousness. **"GO, BROS, WE'VE GOT 'EM!" **But before he could stop Caesar, Caesar shot at the duo on the terrace. They were gone.

**"Whoops! Looks like I blew your friends off their feet!"**

**"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!" **Muscle Man charged at Caesar and they toppled down the metal staircase. Meanwhile, Muscle man made his signature squeal.

* * *

Mordecai and Rigby sped past the wind with unceasing haste.

**"THAT'S IT, WE'RE DEAD!"**

**"CHILL OUT, DUDE, THIS IS WHAT I WANTED TO HAPPEN!"**

**"YOU WANTED US TO COMMIT SUICIDE BY HOPPING OFF A CASINO IN VEGAS?"**

**"NO...THIS."**

The impact of the inflated landing area broke their fall. They crash-landed right in the middle of the production of a movie off-set. Without taking a breather, the duo raced to their rusty truck and set the engine in motion. People here and there stopped and watched them hustle out of the parking lot.

"Might as well," Rigby punched in the search and the volume was raised to Elton John's 'Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting', and with that, they high-tailed it to the freeway.

* * *

Muscle Man finally got ahold of Caesar and Thomas and Hi Five Ghost regained control of their captives.

"It's pointless to help them now. That is - if they're still alive."

"Shut it, man!" Muscle ban booted the gun back into his back.

"They're headed for an open wasteland - they'll never make it alive. They'll most likely die of heat stroke. Or they'll dehydrate. Who knows."

"You're full of crap, Godfather."

"Am I, Mitch? Doesn't your brother still truck? Don't you still work at that dump of a park - at that dead-end job, ya still with that gorilla?"

**"DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD ABOUT MY GIRL, COMBOVER! I'LL BLOW YOU TO BITS AND FEED IT TO YOUR THUGS!"**

Caesar stopped dead in his tracks, sensing the shakiness of Muscle Man's voice.

"Try me."


	19. Chapter 19 - The Search Is On

**Chapter 19 - Tracking Them Down**

CJ knocked on the door of the house. Pops answered, "Come in."

Eileen was waiting on the living room couch, hands in fists, next to a sleeping bum.

"Who's he?"

"The guy who owned that truck they stole."

"They?..oh."

"He was up earlier, and tried to strangle Pops, but now he's out cold."

"Is he ok?"

"Fine, but we can't have him wake up again because he swore he'd press charges."

"Oh joy," CJ said sarcastically. "Tell me why we're here. What did you want me for?"

"We were planning to find them," said Pops. "I suggest we take the flying car, but there's only ONE problem."

"Being?.."

"We don't know where they are." Eileen finished.

"What? That's it? I could have figured that out for myself."

"But we have an idea of where they may be. We have a lead," Eileen hoisted a fat wallet out in front of her.

"Wow."

"Let's roll this out on the coffee table, shall we?"

Eileen opened flap by flap, change dropping out like rain on the table.

"He's been packing." CJ pulled out all the credit cards and lined them out on the label, picking one up and reading the small font:

_**"Maurice's Tackle Supply, Co., Las Vegas, Nevada."**_

Then she read a similar card:

_**"Maurice's Poker Assosiation - live to play." "Maurice's Brandy and Fine Liquor Store, Maurice's Cigars, Maurice's Pizzaria, Maurice's Auto Dealership and Repair, Co. and...Maurice's National Bank of Nevada?"**_

Eileen and Pops peered over the cards. "Puzzling, isn't it?"

"What's the point?"

"Well, isn't it obvious?" Pops picked up all the cards and held them like a deck. "They ALL address the same man. And we know where we can find this "Maurice"."

"In Vegas?"

"Precisely." Pops walked back to the couch and examined the dreaming man's cell phone. "Hmm. A Nokia Lumia 1020, state-of-the-art, 10.4 x 130.4 x 71.4 millimeters, 158 grams, 4.5 inch display, maximum battery usage time - 16 days - maximum standby time, quite the device," said Pops as he slid the phone to the other two.

"Impressive."

"Yeah, where did you learn all that." CJ picked up the phone and scrolled through it.

"I've been around for many years. My father used to work for a technology company, how else do you think he's earned all his profit?"

"Wait a minute, Pops, let me see those cards again." CJ stuck out a hand and read the fine print. "No, guys! These aren't just normal credit cards and gift cards - THESE ARE BUSINESS CARDS! THESE** ALL** BELONG TO **HIM! **Now let me see that phone, please." CJ unlocked the phone and immediately, her promising eyes lit up with hope.

"HERE'S SOMETHING WE CAN WORK WITH! Look, it's ALL in here: search history, group messages, texts, recent calls, voicemail, EVEN SOME PHOTOS!" They all looked endearingly at the phone (currently they scrolled through some photos with his friends in them).

"He searched for directions to Caesar's Palace..." CJ

Eileen checked the messages. "He messaged his boss, who's name is, "Caesar"? — and a guy named Ernie was in the group chat..."

Pops opened the recent calls. "He's called a few people - Caesar, Kearny, Bernie - a LOT of calls to a man named Lester Brunswick..."

"Wait, did you just say Lester Brunswick?" asked CJ.

"Yes. Why?"

"He was my former boss, I quit on him because the job was getting dry — plus, I thought he was trying to make a move on me — eew. Eh," CJ shrugged, "...but none of that matters anymore anyway. He died in Vegas. Wait...he died...in...VEGAS! THAT'S IT! One of these guys must've killed him!"

Eileen raised an eyebrow. "And suddenly this is good?"

"No, god forbid, it just all pieces together, doesn't it? Caesar employed him, then got rid of him. But why?"

"To cover up something, most likely."

"Something he hoped no one, but those he trusted, would ever know."

"So this Lester character must have been important to this fellow, Maurice, here. But now he's dead. So what brings this man here?" Pops turned back to the deck of cards. "And if this gentleman owns all these businesses, and is in deep with the wrong crowd — a crowd of murderous mobsters, no doubt, I ask again, what brings a wealthy man like this to a place like this for the party we had approximately 2 nights ago? And may I add, in clothes like that?"

CJ went to the voicemail and toggled through the recents, until she hit the jackpot. "Listen to this guys."

**_"Mauri, it's Lester. You know, if we're gonna go through with this crap, you need to commit to it. We've made a deal. Listen, that money Caesar's got — worth more than you miserable little life — ya here me? Look, come 7:35 tonight, we're gonna do him in, the guy'll never see it coming. If you get this, let me know ASAP, capiche? Alright, you take care, Mauri ol' pal, buh-bye."_**

"He's obviously in hiding. Maybe once he figured out Lester bit the dust at the hands of his comrades, he hit the road," Eileen suggested.

"But why would he just abandon everything?" In the brief silence, a deep Brooklyn voice spoke out from the crowd.

**"Because he gave me a second chance!"**

All of the sudden, the bum Maurice flipped the coffee table at the three, sending them on their backs with the table against their chests. Meanwhile, Maurice was pressing hard on the table on top of them. They couldn't move.

"That son-of-a-gun gave us NOTHING, and he killed Lest! But he gave me the chance of redemption - and THAT'S why I'm here."

**"But WHY?" **whimpered Eileen.

"What do you want with us?" Pops choked out.

"It's not what I want, it's what I NEED, what Caesar needs."

"You're sucking up to that guy - for what?"

Maurice cut to the chase. "Alright then, you've got it, now I'm monologuing! Ok, listen good, scum. I was born to a normal family — like you and me — but my brother, who was somehow born with powers to tell the future and control time and crap like that - but he wasn't invincible. We wanted him to be a hero, but he was just an ass to everyone — except me. He hang out with the wrong guys, including Caesar Chesterfield, my boss — but we'll get to that later. He ended up running a hotel down in Santa Monica called the "Hotel California" — that's where Caesar became his boss; naturally, I followed my kid-brother's example and got myself a job or two with Caesar - he made me a rich man, gave me everything life itself wished it had. But anyways, that hotel was everything to him; he would mess with people's lives, imprison them there for eternity if he had to, always TOO busy to come join the family for Thanksgiving - let alone Christmas - as you could see, my life was ripping at the seams. My role model, my example, the only one guy I've EVER looked up to and loved, was that guy, and it all went south so fast. Two days after landing the deal with Caesar, and becoming friends with Lest, I started to feel better, but then one of his assistants to Caesar, and..." Maurice chuckled to himself in discontent, **"YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID WHEN HE FOUND OUT? "FREAKIN' LOSER SHOULD'VE KILLED HIMSELF!" Now I DON'T KNOW if he was kidding or not, but he dang sure pissed me off! **But it wasn't all bad, Lest was there in those times of mournin' and the times of joy, eventually, he became my partner-in-crime. As you heard, I was having trouble decidin' to go through with it. I couldn't. Yeah, maybe my kid-brother's gone with the wind, but so would everything I own if I did do it; so, I backed down. Now Lest was still persistent to pop Caesar one in the ass, but he failed, ended up ripped open and left on the side of the road (guess they got rid of his body by now). I tried makin' a run for it, Caesar go to me too - by then, I 'oped he'd just end my sufferin', but the guy had mercy — painful, bloody, scarrin' mercy. He said my brother talked to one of Caesar's assistants who then told him that two days before he would die by getting hit by an 18-wheeler, that two bricks that work at the park in the middle of L.A. would be responsible for it, and that if I didn't find them, I'd end up like Lest. We were all hurt - I had it worst. Why wouldn't Caesar help him escape death, why would he just let my brother die, but even worse, why did I let my OWN brother die? After that, I started feel ing down and blaming myself for everything. Then it happened, kid-brother died two days later. Lest died, two days later. Then Caesar redeemed me. He gave me a time machine he bought off the internet cheap and let me go back two days earlier - I bought a used truck and I found this park, this house. Unfortunately, I had partied and drinked too much, and ultimately failed my boss AND my career, and my loved ones. **So there you have it! I'm here because I had a chance and failed, and now I'm gonna avenge them all!" **Suddenly, Maurice lifted his leg to kick at their heads, but Pops intervened and managed to get Maurice in a headlock, putting him out of consciousness.

"Goodness gracious! That took an awful long time. I thought he'd never shut up."

"So I guess it's to Vegas then," said CJ.

"In the flying car." Eileen added.

Pops responded, "You know it. Onward, let's find those two!" and headed for the car.

"So I guess we're gonna have to bring him with too, right?" CJ asked.

"Well, we're NOT leaving him here." Eileen responded. "Who KNOWS what he'll do?"

"Right." Then CJ asked, "So, why are they missing?"


	20. Chapter 20 - Hell Or High Water

**Chapter 20 - Hell Or High Water**

Rigby reached to the back seats and found something unusual.

"Look back here, man."

"Eew! What is that?" Mordecai's face grew into utter disgust. On the other hand, nonchalantly, Rigby responded "It's a used condom."

**"Are you insane? GET RID OF THAT!"**

"Yes, your majesty," said Rigby sarcastically, throwing the condom by Mordecai's posterior.

**"No man, not like that!" **Mordecai picked up the scrunched, soggy plastic and held it out the window when it filled with air.

"I meant...woah, that's cool."

"Look, it like a giant bubble." But just then, the condom burst and slipped from Mordecai's fingers out behind him, with the residue splattered on his face.

"This is ABSOLUTELY disgusting. No joke." Mordecai removed a hand off of the wheel to wipe his face.

"It won't be the last time you've got jizz in you face," Rigby reviled.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Mordecai turned away from the road and look at Rigby inquisitively.

"Beats me, tight feathers. It's gonna happen to YOU, not ME, so keep me out of this."

"I HATE that nickname he gave me."

"That guy was a jerk off, don't sweat it." Then Rigby looked down at his feet and remembered a neat theory he learned. He matched his foot with Mordecai's right foot and, once again, proved victorious.

**"Aww-yeah! Proved it twice, smalls!"**

"Shut up! I've had enough of that crap already. Want me to punch you again?"

"Alright, alright! I'm just proving my point."

"When are you gonna grow up and get off those sites? They mess with you mind."

"It's a medical FACT - being that mine is mucho más grande than-" Before he could finish, they rolled over some bumpy terrain on the passenger's side, and Rigby flew up any hit his head on the roof of the truck. Mordecai was dying with laughter.

"What was that, smalls?"

**"SHUT UP! I'm only small in posture!"**

"Look, what's that?" Mordecai interrupted, seeing a glittering in the distance. As they drove closer, the sign became more clearly read:

_Welcome to Utah!_

"Oh, look at that, we've crossed the border," said Mordecai.

"Forget that! Look what's under it."

_No Gas Station Til' Cedar City_

"Can we make it?" Rigby checked the dashboard. "Oh, sh-" The engine made a demonic roar, then oozed steam out of its sides.

**"NO! The engine!"**

"We have to cool it down!"

"I've got it!" Rigby pulled a bottle from the back of the truck and dumped it over the steam. Immediately, a fire brewed beneath the engine.

**"STOP! STOP! THAT'S NOT WATER, NUMB-NUTS!"**

Rigby panicked.** "Then what is it?"**

Mordecai ran his finger against the mouth of the bottle and lapped his finger impatiently.

"Just as I thought — it's vodka."

Rigby tossed the bottle out into the desert ahead. "VODKA? IN A FIJI BOTTLE?"

Mordecai glued his hands to his head, faced to the floor. "Brilliant. The engine's fried, we're out of water, no food, I'm stuck out here with you, and now we're in the middle of nowhere miles away from anything!"

"We're not leaving the truck behind, that's for sure."

"We don't have a choice now."

"What're the odds?" Rigby pondered as the duo retreated to the back and began to force the truck to move against the dirt road.

* * *

Skips lifeline beeped at a steady pace, the air condensed in the tubes connected to his nostrils. Skips awoke from an illusive dream. Benson stood nearby.

"Hanging in there?"

"It really isn't all that bad," Skips felt his forearm.

"Says you. The skid marks on your chest disagree."

"I said I'll live. None of this is necessary."

"If you say so. Look, I believe you're fine, but you still need to get some rest."

"I can rest when I'm dead."

"Let's just hope it's not tonight."

"No, it's not me we should be worrying about."

* * *

Mordecai and Rigby were inching the truck forward with endless sweat beading down from their faces. One song was on their mind.

_"I'd be safe and warm."_

_Rigby echoed the verses back. "I'd be safe and warm."_

_"If I was in LA."_

_"If I was in LA."_

_"California Dreamin'"_

_"Ca-li-for-nia Dream-in''_

_"On such a winter's day."_

_"California Dreamin'"_

They both sung in unison._ "On such a winter's day!"_

_"_Rigby, stop pushing for a second. I've gotta rest." Mordecai dropped lifelessly on his knees and crawled under the truck. Rigby followed.

"This is hell — isn't it?"

"Yes, no doubt," Mordecai looked around the open desert, "...we're in hell."

Out of nowhere, they saw a group of legs appear out of nowhere. "What'd you say about our home?" They dragged Mordecai and Rigby by the legs out from underneath the shade of the truck's underbelly into the blazing sun. They both instantly brought an arm over their eyes.

"Oh, crap. We're sorry. We didn't mean-" The main man (in healthy, muscular shape) chuckled.

"We're just messin' with ya. Here, we'll help you up." The man and his slim-n-sexy wife outstretched their arms to the duo, who graciously accepted. The wife spoke up.

"To be honest, 'round these parts it is's hot as the devil's damned ass as you two say."

"Amen to that, ma," said a little boy behind her, hair almost as red as the sun was.

Mordecai changed the subject. "How did you find us?"

"We heard you lovers squawkin' all the way from the county line."

Mordecai awkwardly glanced back at Rigby, who did the same, then looked back at the wife. "Um, we're no lovers."

"Y'all had that used condom."

Rigby's eyes widened, _**"That wasn't ours!"**_

"Look, we're on the move 'cause my friend - almost girlfriend - left her transcript," said Mordecai.

Their red-headed kid spoke up. "Where's the proof?"

Rigby ran back into the passenger's seat, rummaging through the chairs in the back, then pulled out the laminated folder and came back on foot.

"Read it and weep."

The husband spoke first. "Impressive. We thought you'er just pullin' our legs earlier, but instead," The family all placed a hand over their hearts, "you've earned our brospect."

"OOH! Brospect!" The duo high-fived in relief.

"My wife - Laurene, son Cass, as in Cassidy, and I'm Ezra, Erza Paine. We're mountaineers of Zion National Park. We're also co - in charge of it."

"We live under Zion's Arch!" exclaimed their overanxious son.

"Hush, dearie. Anyways, Ezra and I will clear a space for you to stay. It's really lovely under, you can see every blessed star of the night-lit sky. You'll love it."

"Sounds great, it's just,.."

Rigby stole his words. "There's a problem with the engine."

"Not a problem. Before I met the love of my life, I was the best automotive maintenance engineer the park has ever seen. We'll take her to the shop and have it over to the arch in no time."

* * *

In the shop, Ezra had The Rolling Stones' 'Start Me Up' on the radio. With a few nuts and bolts pulled out and put back in, a few bangs, the sound of a spray can, and the revving of a new engine, the truck was as good as new. Rigby remembered the gas tank was empty too.

"Aren't you gonna fill 'er up?"

"We don't have gasoline here, but we have a few barrels of gasoline up at the arch. Let's just tow it there and you'll be good t'go tomorrow mornin'."

"TOMORROW?" They complained, "BUT WE'VE GOT TO BE AT DC AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!"

"You'll thank us. Besides, we're having a little get-together up there. It wouldn't hurt to let your troubles go for a little while."

"Mr. Paine. I was thinking the same thing. _Uggh!_" Rigby ended with an elbow in his gut from Mordecai.


End file.
